Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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