sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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