I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
