How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she told me i tasted like america
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
