i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
