no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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