His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
