I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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