He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
