Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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