think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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