I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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