yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize