My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
