I heard we made out
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
