Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
