This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
