i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet