If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
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Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
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Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.