So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.