He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..