I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.