I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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