I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Vodka?
Forever.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize