so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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