But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
