i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
