my mouth tastes like poor choices
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
