My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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