Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
