So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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