Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
