i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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