I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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