1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
