Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
