Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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