4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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