make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
