I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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