I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
