Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
