sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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