he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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