U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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