I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Drunk is a universal language darling
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