So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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