Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
