Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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