I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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