Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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