So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
