This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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