the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
