You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
