You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
