He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Drake has all the answers
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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