I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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