Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
