he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
