Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize